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Old 14-05-2019, 12:08 PM
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Lucia Lucia is offline
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Well, I've watched it twice in the hope of getting my head around it and come to the conclusion that it's just not going to happen - the best I can come up with to summarise it overall is that Drogon the dragon had a lovely time!

It seemed to me that the writers decided to add a bit of extra spice to the proceedings by coming up with the stunning plan to change several of the main players' long-standing personalities - hence, Varys, who, by using his wits, has survived five kings, some potty, some just duplicitous, one (Joffrey Baratheon) a psychotic murderer, is brought to ruin by Tyrion.

Yes - Tyrion - you remember - the one whose life was saved by Varys spiriting him away from his death sentence in King's Landing concealed in a packing crate? The same Tyrion who was once one of my favourite characters dobbed Varys in to Barbie the Unburnt for 'treason' - i.e. spreading the word that Jon Snow/Aegon Targaryan is the true heir to the Iron Throne.

Varys didn't get a trial - all he got was Tyrion and the rest of the c*ckstruck men standing around and looking a bit sad while the newly-mad Barbie recited all of her self-given titles then instructed Drogon to roast poor Varys - which he duly did.

You could tell that she'd gone mad as the other characters kept saying she had and besides, she hadn't done her hair or put any slap on - otherwise, from an acting point of view, apart from a pantomime ferocious expression, she looked just the same to me.

Another one with a pantomime ferocious expression was the hilariously-named 'Greyworm' - unfortunately, his set and angry facial expression bore more than a passing resemblance to Mr. Bean.

Who'd have thunk that Missandei, Barbie's best 'yes woman' and Greyworm's sort of lover, was a being of such importance? The execution of Ned Stark only started a war, the execution of Missandei was apparently worth a widespread massacre of the innocents.

And what did the King of Nothing and Nowhere have to say about his auntie's lunatic plans - sigh - he just repeated the only line he's had since 'that' night on the boat - 'Aah luv 'er'!

Crashing on, Tyrion freed Jaime Lannister who'd - yet again - got himself taken prisoner, and sent him on his way to Cersei, begging him to persuade her to escape with him with the help of Ser Davos and to instruct someone to ring the city bells to signal King's Landing's surrender.

Oh, Tyrion - why, once GRR Martin's proper, well-crafted story petered out, did the writers decide to make you into such an idiot?

Anway, off they all went as thousands of the common people fled to the relative safety of King's Landing, Jon et al by land, Barbie by dragon. I'd be a liar if I didn't say that I thoroughly enjoyed the torching of the Iron Fleet, particularly the bit where Popeye the Pirate had to leap in to the ocean to escape a fiery death.

Drogon, who'd obviously been practising aerial gymnastics and avoiding sharp missiles, whizzed up and down, setting fire to everything floating in sight, then turned his attention to the Golden Company who were outside the gates of King's Landing staring down the combined forces of Unsullied and Dothraki. At this point, he looked a very happy dragon indeed.

Poor Cersei, who is possibly the best actress in the entire show, and whose script for this final series probably fitted on to one side of A4, looked in disbelief at Qyburn as, in reply to her observation that all it would take would be one lucky shot to kill the dragon, gently told her that all the Scorpion weapons were destroyed and the Iron Fleet was burning in the harbour.

Meanwhile, as the Lannister army surrendered and the church bells rang out, the Hound and Arya, and Jaime, were making their various ways to the Red Keep. Jaime stopped for a quite unnecessary - and quite boring - fight with Urine Greyjoy, the Pop-Eyed Pirate on the way - he killed Pop-Eye in the end, but, even though he'd sustained a mortal wound himself, managed to stroll on in search of his twin sister.

Arya and the Hound were also in search of Cersei, and, in perhaps the only tender moment of the episode, he told her to go home or risk ending up like him, a whole life ruined by his relentless determination to revenge himself on his brother. It was as if her 'assassin' mask was torn away and she was 'Arya' again, and as he walked away to his doom and she turned to leave, she called him by his given name 'Sandor' and thanked him. It doesn't sound much, but it was lovely.

If she'd waited two minutes she'd have met Cersei, scarpering away from the long-awaited (by some fans) Cleganebowl! Having disposed of Qyburn with one blow, the Mountain lumbered down to the Hound and the fight began
*sigh* I'm probably in a minority of one here, but it was just - erm - silly, and all I could think of was that scene in Monty Python with the Black Knight who kept on insisting that his arms and legs being chopped off were 'only flesh wounds'.

Anyway, each with a variety of mortal wounds, they eventually fell from the battlements into a fiery inferno - hold on - fiery inferno?

Well, yes - because Barbie the Unburnt, despite the church bells ringing out and the army surrendering, had decided to continue to incinerate every single man, woman and child in King's Landing! We knew she'd gone mad because she had her mad face on, and Greyworm, not one to be left out, also had his mad face on and was busily spearing everyone fleeing from the fire.

Jon Snow and Tyrion both just stood there, gazing skywards and watching Drogon destroy one huge building after another and roast the crowds fleeing the narrow streets, wearing matching expressions of stupidity and disbelief.

Meanwhile, Arya was running for her life, and Jaime and Cersei were trapped in the collapsing Red Keep - their final scene was quite poignant and well acted, but, but, but - I've tried but I can't forgive him for Brienne, so I didn't really care a bit when the roof came down on them.

And finally - it all got a bit Biblical - Arya, lying among the rubble covered in grey ash and looking quite dead, suddenly woke up, bruised, bleeding and battered and looked around her - and -

"And I (she) looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him." John the Revelator 6:2-8

The last scene was her riding the pale horse out of the remains of King's Landing, hell for leather - I think she's bound for Winterfell to warn Sansa to break out the fireproof suits!

Overall? I hated it - as a mindless 'horror' spectacular, it was astonishing - as a fitting end for favourite characters, good and bad, it was abysmal.

Sorry! :
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