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Old 01-08-2017, 10:46 AM
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Lucia Lucia is offline
Miserable Old Boot
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Land of the Prince Bishops
Posts: 18,712

Okay – it’s official – I hate Jaime Lannister!

I started off disliking him in Season 1, grew fond of him in Season 3 thanks to Brienne, felt unsure about my feelings up to now – but – I’ll never forgive him – ever - for forcing perhaps the only true Great Lady of Westeros to drink poison.

The marvellous, matchless Queen of Thorns – Olenna Tyrell - is dead, murdered by a Lannister at the behest of that vicious cow Cersei, leaving Tyrion the only Lannister I have any time for at all.

Even as she prepared herself to die, she had one last thorn to implant in Jaime’s heart when she told him that it was she who murdered Joffrey – Oh, Olenna you will be so missed! (insert sobbing emoji)

And that’s it for you, Jaime – you’ve snapped the last thread of my liking for you and you can go to Hell in a handcart for all I care, just try to take your hateful sister with you! And another thing – don’t you dare even think about my beloved Brienne!

An excellent episode – even though the hubba did ask me dryly at one point why I’m watching as I hate so many of the characters currently in it. I didn’t reply – I haven’t invested years of my life not to see how it turns out, no matter how much the shareholders of Kleenex (other tissues are available) stand to benefit hugely from my tears of sorrow, anger and pure frustration.

Crashing on, our Jon (Stark/Targyan/Snow) landed on Dragonstone to be greeted by Tyrion and Missandei who seems quite buoyed up and is wearing a satisfied smirk. He sensed he was in trouble when he and his men were ‘requested’ to give up their weaponry even as his boat was being towed away by the motley troops of Barbie the Unburnt.

As if to make sure the King in the North felt more than a bit nervous and vulnerable, he was dive-bombed by a dragon – I think it was Rheagal – although perhaps it was more a case of the dear creature popping down to have a quick look at his namesake who doesn’t know – yet – that that’s the name his Mama gave him!

He met Barbie of the million titles – she told him to bend the knee – he didn’t, thank the old gods and the new, and he and Ser Davos demonstrated the folly of taking lessons in diplomacy from Lyanna Mormont when you actually don’t have the whip-hand.

Weird – Ser Davos is usually much better at winning people over with his frank and sensible conversation, but even he scored a bit of an own goal by announcing that Jon had taken a ‘dagger to the heart’ for his cause.
Thankfully, Tyrion later explained it away as a mere figure of speech, but Barbie didn’t look convinced. I think that’s what her expression was meant to signify – who knows?

I’m skimming now – she bores me to death without a dragon or three in shot – upshot is that Jon’s - eventually -getting his dragonglass (thanks Tyrion) , the two monarchs haven’t irrevocably fallen out, Tyrion and Jon had a nice re-bonding conversation while standing on a cliff and doing a bit of Poldarkian sea-gazing – and best news of all – Melisandre, having upset poor Varys, is sloping off before Jon or Davos catch sight of her and leaving Westeros! Hooray!

What have Red Priestesses got against Varys – they always have something spiteful to hint at whenever he encounters one!

Meanwhile in King’s Landing, the Pirate King – erm - Urine Greyjoy is being cheered to the echo as he rides, popping his eyes, gurning at the crowd and running his foul mouth, while dragging his captives Yara Greyjoy, Ellaria Sand and a Sand Snake whose name I’ve never known and now don’t need to learn.

Cersei has morphed into the very epitome of the Mad Queen, although nobody – especially that besotted sap Jaime - chooses to acknowledge it. It goes without saying that even I would have revenged myself on Ellaria Sand by giving her the same poisoned kiss as she gave my daughter, but the least annoying Sand Snake hadn’t done anything personal to Cersei to suffer such a terrible fate.

Maybe my faith in GoT is starting to waver, but it was just too much - Lena Headey is a fine actress but ever since she encountered the Popeyed Pirate, she, too, has tottered on the brink of becoming a cartoon villain.

Just saying.

Meanwhile – yawn - the Lannisters have conquered The Reach, the Unsullied (on Tyrion’s advice) have taken Casterly Rock and been trapped there by Popeye’s navy - and Bran has finally been dragged all the way to Winterfell, by poor Meera, who appears to have performed a lobotomy on him during their travels.

Why do I say that – well – he made no attempt to return Sansa’s affectionate greeting, has adopted a fixed stare, and only speaks in short and portentous sentences. She beat a hasty retreat when he started to give a monotonous account of her dreadful wedding night by way of proof of his now knowing everything there is to know – you did right, dear – stay away - everyone who goes near him dies!

Actually, now that he’s turned up and taken up residence in the godswood where no doubt, he hopes to be incorporated into a weirwood tree, why not have your men drag that slimeball Baelish in there and wall the pair of them up together.

And finally we make a dash to the Citadel, where Ser Jorah is miraculously clear of greyscale! Does the Archmaester praise our Sam, give him the first ring of his maester’s chain and instruct all the other maester’s to attend Samwell’s ‘Curing Greyscale the Tarly way’ lecture?

Does he heck as like – he gives poor Samwell the equivalent of several thousand lines by way of punishing him for using his initiative and finding a cure for a previously incurable disease!

Even so, Sam might be getting off lightly – Barbie the Unburnt may yet send a dragon or two to sear him when she catches sight of Jorah, the Old Stalker, landing on Dragonstone!

P.S. Oh yes – Theon Greyjoy got fished out of the sea by some of his countrymen – erm – why did they bother?

Last edited by Lucia : 01-08-2017 at 11:57 PM.
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